A Dream Deferred
by chille-tiid
Summary: "But I love you," she managed to whisper. The beast appeared to shrink a little. A retelling of Sophie's dream about Howl. Title taken from Langston Hughes's poem, Harlem


**Author's note: An alternate dream encounter between Sophie and Howl, imagining the slime scene has already occurred. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's Moving Castle or any of its characters or quotes (whether direct or paraphrased). Title taken from Langston Hughes's poem, Harlem**

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Inhale. Exhale. Sophie's hand lingered on the doorknob for only a moment longer before twisting and pushing it open. A gasp escaped her lips. No longer was there a room behind the door, but a tunnel. Embedded in the walls were Howl's trinkets and baubles. She held up the candle to further illuminate the dark passageway with no luck. Soft grunts came from the other end.

"Howl?" Sophie called quietly. A low growl echoed off the walls.

"Howl?" she called again, taking a step forward. In the darkness Sophie made out a shape, but it certainly was not human. From its feathered body dripped a thick, black goo. The creature's breathing seemed heavy and erratic. Sophie moved closer, as if to reach out and touch it. Before her smooth hand – no longer old and withered – could make contact, a snarl arose from the beast's throat. Its head whipped toward the young girl. Alarmed, Sophie jumped back at the movement.

"Go away," a voice rolled off a forked tongue and past rows of fangs. The voice itself was only partially human; Howl's voice seemingly hidden underneath a monster. Sophie swallowed her fear, gripping her nightgown with her free hand.

"Howl tell me what's wrong," she beseeched. It shifted, more of the dark sludge dribbling to the floor from its mouth. Soft growls resounded through the tunnel.

"Please, Howl," this time she pleaded, "Let me help you! What's going on?" He rushed at her suddenly, pressing her up against the wall with one giant claw. She held tightly to the candle and stared at the wizard – or what was left of him – with wide eyes.

" _You_? How could _you_ possibly help?" Dirty feathers hung in front of his eyes, making his mouth the only visible feature on his face. Doubt grew in the pit of Sophie's stomach. How could Howl still be in there? Once more she forced down any fear she felt.

"But I love you," she managed to whisper. The beast appeared to shrink a little. The large claw holding her against the wall tapered until it was an almost-human hand pressed onto her collarbone. The feathers on his face retreated, revealing two glassy marbles for eyes.

"I can't help you if you don't help me understand," Sophie said with a little more confidence. Howl seemed to sink momentarily. One hand moved to grip at a shoulder, the other clutching Sophie's wrist. His head bent to rest on the free shoulder. Forehead pressed against her nightgown, he sighed heavily. The monstrosity seemed to be receding even more. Howl raised his head. A smaller yet still feathered hand reached up, touching gently at her jaw.

"How could you say such a thing?" Confusion set onto Sophie's features. Still the man stared at her face with those dead eyes.

 _"I've never once been beautiful in my entire life!"_ a voice rang out through the tunnel; Sophie's voice. It startled her. This was something she'd believed to be true. And surely Howl had seen women who surpassed Sophie in beauty; she was "mousy" at best.

"Do you really think so lowly of yourself?" Howl's voice was low and solemn. His fingers continued to run lightly across her skin. Sophie didn't want to answer, avoiding his gaze. The wizard's eyes narrowed; angered.

"You can't even break your own curse," he growled. The monster began to return. Feathers sprouted and sludge oozed down his avian legs.

"How could you ever expect to help me break mine?" The beast reared up, spreading its wings. He took off into the blackness of the tunnel, leaving Sophie behind.

Sophie's body sprang up. Her eyes were not heavy with sleep as they should have been. She fought desperately to abandon thoughts of her odd and strangely intimate dream. Fortunately for her, distraction came easily. The sound of bathwater running just up the stairs sounded louder than it shoulder have. Sophie – an old woman once more – gazed at the stairs. There was only one person who that could be…

"Is Howl back?" she turned to Calcifer as she spoke.

"Yeah but he looks awful," the fire demon replied. "You just better hurry and figure out how to break the curse on us." Sophie chewed on her lip. If she couldn't even break her own spell, how could she break theirs?

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 **Thanks for reading! Reviews and criticisms are greatly appreciated :)**


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